SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSON Jokes

THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES (1944)

Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly.

The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him.

"Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."

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THE TENT: Watson and Holmes Go Camping

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petrie wine, they retire to their tent for the night.

At about 3 AM, Holmes nudges Watson and asks, "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions of stars."

Holmes asks, "And, what does that tell you?"

Watson replies, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are small and insignificant. Horologically, it tells me that it's about 3 AM. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes retorts, "Someone stole our tent."

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SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSON DISCOVER AN UNUSUAL PAINTING

One day, Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were doing their usual investigative business, when they uncovered an unusual painting.

At first glance, it looked like a picture of normal oak tree, in the middle of a wilderness, but if one looked closer, one could see that it was a remarkable painting. The tree trunk was actually made of fire, and its branches were made of ice, clouds and earth.

"What is it, Holmes?" asked Watson in awe.

"It's an Element tree, my dear Watson," replied Holmes.

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SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSON IN A HOT-AIR BALLOON

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are taking a trip across a desert by hot-air balloon. There are not many landmarks; so eventually, they become lost. Luckily, while flying quite low, they see a man.

Holmes shouts, "Sir, could you please tell me where we are?"

The man looks up, ponders for a moment, and then answers, "Gentlemen, you are in a hot-air balloon!"

At this moment, a burst of wind picks up the balloon and carries it away.

Holmes turns to Watson and asks: "My friend, do you know who that man is?"

"No, Holmes, of course not!"

"He's a mathematician!"

"Holmes, that's incredible! But *how* do you know?"

"It's very simple, Watson. First of all, the man thought before giving us an answer. Secondly, his answer was absolutely correct. And thirdly, the answer he gave us was of no practical use, whatsoever!"

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SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSON IN A LONDON PARK

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were called to a park in London to investigate a crime involving an unusual tree. The ABC Tree, as it was called, had the unique ability to actually grow all the letters of the alphabet. Shockingly, however, it seemed that someone had plucked most of the letters from the tree.

Watson approached the tree and examined it closely. "My goodness, Holmes!" he exclaimed. "It appears that some ne'er-do-well has stolen all but the twelfth, thirteenth, and fourteenth letters of the alphabet. What do you make of that, Holmes?"

Holmes sucked at his pipe contemplatively for a moment before answering, "Why, it's an LMN Tree, my dear Watson."

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SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSON GO FISHING

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a fishing trip. They had gone night fishing and were lying on the deck, lines in the water, looking up at the sky.

Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"Well, to me, it means someone has stolen our 'bimini top'!"

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SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSON FACE THE CLOSED DOOR

Dr. Watson arrives at 221-B Baker Street and is stunned to find his friend, Sherlock Holmes, out front, in an overall, applying a bright, yellow gloss to the front door.

"Holmes, what is it?" asks the curious Watson.

"A lemon entry, my dear Watson," replies Holmes.

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SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSON DISCOVER A BLOODY ROCK

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are busy with yet another complicated case. Suddenly, Holmes seizes a chunk of blood-spattered limestone from the ground.

"What is it, Holmes?" asks Watson, eagerly.

Holmes turns and replies, gravely, "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."

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NOT MORE HOLMES, BUT MORE ROCKS

Two geologists are on a field trip studying rock formations in Russia. They arranged for a pilot to fly them into a remote area, to collect some specimens. While they're there, they collect six large rock specimens to take back to the lab, for further analysis.

The pilot returns to pick them up and they start loading everything into the plane. When the pilot sees the rocks, he objects strenuously.

"Those rocks are too heavy," says the pilot, "the plane can only take four, so you have to leave two behind."

The geologists argue with the pilot, telling him that the year before, they had collected six similarly heavy rocks and the pilot had allowed them to put all of them aboard. This plane is the exact same model and capacity.

Reluctantly, the pilot permits them to put the whole lot onboard. But when they attempt to take off and leave the valley, the little plane can't carry the load. They have to make an emergency landing in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one geologist says to the other, "Any idea where we are?"

"Yeah, I think so," replies his colleague. "Must be about the same place where we had to make the emergency landing last year!"